 | When I look into the future,
it’s so bright it burns my eyes. ---Oprah Winfrey Jupiter, Bringer of Fortune, is now in Aries, sign of the Pioneers * |
| The greatest and the most amiable privilege which the
rich enjoy over the poor is that which they exercise the least---the privilege of making
others happy. --- Charles Colton Saturn, Weigher of Souls, is now in Taurus, sign of the Rich/Poor Divide * |
| The thing with high-tech is that you always end up using
scissors.
--- David Hockney Uranus, The Awakener, is now in Aquarius, sign of the Robots and Corporations * |
| The science of tomorrow is the supernatural of today. ---Agatha Christie Neptune, the Compassionate, is now in Aquarius, sign of the Eggheads * |
| Perhaps when distant people on other planets pick up some
wave-length of ours all they hear is a continuous scream --- Iris Murdoch Pluto, the Transforming Force, in Sagittarius, sign of the Travellers * |
Aliens Answer Back...Your Stargazer Predicts...Somewhere around 2006 or so, when Pluto points to the centre of the Milky Way, our dishy home galaxy, we may contact --or be contacted by--- life on other worlds. One sweet little antennaed message, and terrified Earthlings can end racism and religious prejudice in one beep.
*
Coming Attractions, Later, That Same Century...
I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty.
--- Imelda Marcos
Uranus, the Inventor, hits Pisces, sign of the Feet, on 10 March 2003
Slip into the new heavenly gel shoe-boots, and you’ll be walking on water.
*
The world dies over and over again, but the skeleton always gets up and walks.
--- Henry Miller
Pluto, the Revealer, enters Capricorn, sign of the Historians, on 26 January 2008
The new 888,888 page, DNA edition of Debretts traces social bloodlines back to the Pharoahs and the Piltdown Man. Governments get big and more controlling, but the new classical architecture will be grand and built to last---and no carbuncles..
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For all at last return to the sea---to Oceanus, the ocean river, like the ever-flowing stream of time, the beginning of the end.
---Rachel Carson
Neptune, the Glamour Planet, floats to Pisces, sign of Poets and the Watery Realms,
on 4 April 2011
Sleep with the fishes in your undersea villa. All washed out? Bounce back in your new rubber loft. Art pretties up, fashions get fluid and fabulous, and the music celestial. Kindness and compassion are In. (P.S.: Sneaking is too.)
*
*
Calling All Signs Your * * * for Year 3000:
Wilkomen 2 Y3K, OK? Surpriz, surpriz: If U R a Scorpio, Sony, Libra, Zebra, Prada, Brenda, St. Diana, Sagittario, Fox, Unicorn, Helenmirren or Leo DiCaprio, big luk, press 8 now. All rest of U --- all 233 signs --- continu on beep 94. Only 4000 euros per nano.
{4 mo info or 2 gt yo v own personal mindmeld + chance 2 win gr8 rocket shoppy trip to Mars moons Deimos + Phobos, e to *gazer, Old Millennium Dome, Erth Zone 00051N29000W000.)
*
*
The Big Eye Outlook for the Twelve Signs of the Zodiac
CAPRICORN 22 December-20 January
Always be smarter than the people who hire you. --- Lena Horne
As we slip into the 21st Century, Capricorns will become shrinks and spies. Weaving invisibly in and out of the courtyards of power comes easily to you. When people reveal the twisty mazes of their hearts and plans, you always manage to keep a straight face. Shouldn’t you get paid handsomely for all this disciplined, prurient reticence? Your stargazer thinks so. And Caps who indulge their interests in psychology, corporate espionage, privacy protection, archiving, and deep, byzantine research skills will bring home the big bucks in the coming years, some in careers that have yet to be invented. Master all that goes on behind the scenes now, and you will be ready for 2008-2023, when Pluto, the power planet, hits your sign and starts making you Supreme Galactic Commander. You want it, Capricorns? It’s all yours ...the formal dinners, the fishy handshakes, the responsibilities, the Darth Vader costume, the lot.
AQUARIUS 21 January- 18 February
I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this
year’s fashions.
--- Lillian Hellman
When Aquarians wake up today in the hydraulic arms of the Age of Aquarius, will they look out upon this brave new world, squeeze themselves and shout, ‘Oyez, oyez. Hear me, people. This is it. My time, my Age, my Zeitgeist, yah sucks boo. From this day I’m going to do what I want, when I want, be anything I want to be, even if nobody understands me, even if they all laugh, even if I have to go to America and eat cat, bat, rat, my genius will no longer be denied---ha, ha, ha, ha, ha’? Well, perhaps you should. Go on, express yourself. In 2003 you will simmer down just enough to start making some interesting money. In 2008 you will make more, and by 2012, you could buy your own little island nation. Right now you are just in time to run though the jungle. Hatari, now.
PISCES 19 Febuary-20 March
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. ---Oscar Wilde
You will be sexy at one hundred, and you are too much this minute---is it because of your disarming humility, or your sleepy halibut eyes? Sometimes you dress to seduce. Sometimes you dress like an angry idealist, railing at the rude sounds and harsh looks of the early Age of Aquarius. But always you are dramatic. If you prefer to keep unsocial hours, to walk and work and think while the world sleeps and the streets are bare, perhaps you carry a light in your soul for things too fragile and fine for this chilly era. As planets spin into Pisces in 2003 and 2011, we will enter a more graceful, ecstatic, arts-loving era. Till then, distrust authority, tune out fads, help the unfortunate, and keep the flame. Don’t worry about the dosh. You are destined to be a grooving opsimath--- comfortable, and always, in company.
ARIES 21 March -19 April
Calmness and irony are the only worthy weapons of the
wise
.--- Emile Gaboriau
Remember Aldous Huxley, who wandered, blinking at the world, mumbling, ‘Extraordinary...extraordinary...’? Now it is your turn to be a visionary, futurist...and a leader. You seem to see a little farther than others at the moment--- till 2012, actually. ‘Leader?’ you snort, ‘After all the tough times, diabolical delays and stinging disappointments?’ Exactly. Now you are seasoned, tenderized...well, all right, pounded, but wiser, if by now deeply cynical. Remember Arthur Koestler, captured in a Basque prison, who woke up every morning expecting to be shot that day, then went on to become one of the greatest minds of the 20th Century. You have always had your heroes. Villians, too. Just get angry at the right things, and have the courage to lead from the front. Join the good-guy groups: Oxfam, UNICEF, etc. Your empathy for the fragile, heartbroken, and down-at-heel will save lives and get you laid, and, eventually, honours.
TAURUS 20 April-20 May
It is a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept
anything but the best, you often get it.
--- W. Somerset Maugham
A new icy mini planet, 1996TL66, way beyond Pluto, whirled into your sign five springtimes ago, and Taureans everywhere sensed that life would not be the same, ever. You have begun a long, glorious cycle of peeling off things you do not want or need, and bidding good riddance to hindrances and heavy luggage.As you sift through the layers of parental propagandas and your early childhood training, you may start to see yourself and everyone around you with a clean, forgiving eye---and find freedom for the first time in your life. Perhaps the time has also come to make sacrifices of another sort: to shower generosity on those friends and strangers who have less than you, so they might live in peace and comfort. Give it some thought, then see what you can give away. You will be astonished at what you get back. The big, BIG prize? It’s in 2008.
GEMINI 21 May -20 June
A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and
won’t change the subject.
--- Winston Churchill
Icy Pluto, the planet of extremes and intensity, opposes Geminis from 1995 to 2008. This means that the ruthless, sleazy, bullying tactics of a few business or social biggies are blocking, demoralising, and perhaps frightening you. It’s not personal: bullies treat everyone abominably. But if you go after the big stuff, follow the rules and give it all you’ve got, you will make your mark---and then some. Some Geminis will get their PhDs, emigrate, teach or become famous. Get knowledge, get wisdom, get a new set of interballistic missiles if that’s what it takes to stay flexible and hold the baddies in check. Just don’t become a fanatic about anything, or a bore. No monomanias. And absolutely no monologues. Censor yourself. Learn to say, ‘Tell me more’, and you will have the love, foreign fun, and world domination that you have always longed for...and Machiavelli will have nothing on you.
CANCER 21 June -22 July
Disorder is so probable. --- Murray Gell-Mann
Ever heard of a double quincunx? Sorry, nothing to do with the Kama Sutra. It’s a tricky, vexing, gyroscopic set of planetary angles often found in the horoscopes of artists, architects, strategists and inventors--- people who are never satisfied, always tinkering, and asking, ‘what if’?. Four planets will be testing you.Think of the coming era as a series of bizarre, delicious, mind-boggling riddles to be solved. Unasked-for situations are inconvenient grains of sand: over time you will work them into shining pearls you will wear proudly. The fool hears the word problem and says, ‘uh-oh’; but the poet and scientist say, ‘aha’. You will need all the skills of a psychologist, tycoon, 1,892,881,268 worker ants and Hurricane Higgins to navigate this coming parade of unexpected events. Eleven years from now, the planets promise you love and heedless luxury, and that you need never lift anything heavier than a tropical umbrella drink again.
LEO 23 July -22 August
What if---what if Life itself were the sweetheart? ---Willa Cather
You know that your stars are too wild to read, but.we’ve just got to try. Well, here you are---so vibrant and abrim with sap---restless, way out on the edge, isolated in a crowd of millions. No human could love or understand you the way you need or deserve to be cherished, yes? No space aliens have come to scoop you away. And you are constitutionally unsuited to living life as a mishy-mashy compromise. But there is a third way. Become polymorphously erotic. It’s the only way to stay loyal to yourself and to others. Make love with everyone and everything in the galaxy, 24/7 --- the arts, the orphans, the diplomats, the dipsos, dignitaries and the infra-dig, statues and the stars at night, and, especially, the scientists and foreign folk. They can lead you out of the black holes and into the love at the centre of the Universe.You’ll be the Great Attractor.
VIRGO 23 August -22 September
Genius is infinite painstaking. ---Henry Wordsworth Longfellow
You have always been deeply attracted to chaos, and perhaps that is why Virgos make the best private detectives---they have always found God, not the devil, in the delicious details. Science backs you up here---Rule One in the edgy world of quantum physics is: make a tiny change now and you will get a vastly changed outcome later. Virgos make tiny adjustments continually---and big ones, easily. Now it looks as if you may up sticks and change residences, countries, even alliances between now and 2008. And wherever you go on this Earth, every day, for the rest of your life, you will be called upon to fix things, situations, and people. You are on a mission, babe, and you might as well embrace it, for Virgos are gifted analysts, healers and sorter-outers. Admit it---you can’t do without drama merchants, loonies and luvvies...and until 2026, you won’t have to.
LIBRA 23 September-22 October
When people say you’re charming you’re in deep
trouble
.---Jamaica Kincaid
Thinking about writing a book or screenplay? Taking secret lessons? Teaching Urdu to earnest young strivers? Of course you are. It’s the right way to go until 2008, and you will be wanting a dark, handsome motor now, with a kick-ass, boom-chicka-boom- chicka-boom sound system to make the commuting worthwhile. Off and on till 2011, you will have a sixth sense for choosing and timing investments and buying and selling property, especially resorts and spas. Don’t take this gift for granted---work it, and you’ll be on Easy Street. Children are lucky for you, too---they needn’t be yours---anybody’s kids will do. Getting nervous? Don’t be silly. These are the halcyon days. No bad planets. What’s wrong with this picture? That depends on how wary you are of too much grace, and how afraid you are of just skimming along on the surface. What you will do with this luck will tell a story about you.
SCORPIO 23 October-21 November
It is the day of no judgement that I am afraid of. --- Edmund Burke
You’re missing Nature, you poor bewildered Scorpion, yearning for that sense of place so beloved of novelists---mists, moors, hills, sea, Highlands and Lowlands and always, the Badlands. You sigh for spots your eyes have never seen: Atlantis, Shangri-La, Shambala, Battersea. Hie yourself to a past life reader and a travel specialist. You’re an arachnid, kid, with your legs everywhere, and your claws connected to the controls of modern life, so you will be Lawrence of Arabia with a mobile. A dozen years on, you’ll have your own little theme park. Till then, all your dwellings are strictly temporary, and you’ll enjoy them all the more. In 2008, when you begin your best-selling memoirs/media blitz/lecture tour/playwriting career/new life as a horse trainer (choose now), you will experience the shocking joys of giving money and things away--- and you will be in a tidy position to do so.
SAGITTARIUS 22 November-21 December
I speared him with a jest. --- Alexander Smith
Get a grip on yourself, man...it’s the end of the world. (Only joking, Sag. Now that we have your attention, please prepare for an important announcement.) You have already embarked on a long, strange, deep, exhilarating, demoralising, amazing epic journey to the centres of power, in and outside yourself. If there’s something you have always burned for, or somewhere (or someone) you’ve always wanted to be, go after it between now and 2008, and it’s likely you’ll get it. All this is written in the stars, so on the days when you seriously wonder if these ‘feelings of divine destiny’ might be symptoms of megalomania, remember that other Sagittarian, Winston Churchill, who, armed at times with little more than confidence and a conscience, saved the world in his era. You are more powerful than you think---trust the Force. And let’s get some dignified duds on now, shall we?
Copyright 1999 Debbi Kempton-Smith
No part of the text may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publishers. That means you, Buckaroos!
A different version of the above 1000-year report can be found in the January 2000 issue of Tatler magazine, UK.
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